Divorce Mediation: providing options and choices

To say that divorce is difficult is an understatement. Who ever thought that a person you call family could end up in the court system with you? But the horror stories of divorce litigation do not have to apply to you.

Being informed about your choices is the best thing you can do for yourself at this trying time. If you think that you and your spouse/partner can work cooperatively, then mediation is an option that could help you move through your experience with as little financial and emotional pain as is possible.

Mediation is a confidential, negotiation process. Two spouses meet in a neutral setting with a mediator and discuss a their individual concerns. There is no cookie cutter approach. Rather, each mediation should be as different as the parties involved.

What mediation does that legal process often fails to do is let the parties discuss the identical issues that would be addressed in the court process, e.g., division of personal property, the sale of real estate, retirement benefit plans, separation of debt, custody and visitation, and the like, in a collaborative and comfortable manner. In this way, mediation reinforces the integrity and dignity of each individual involved. The end result of mediation is a contract that both parties sign. A good "contract" should allow the parties to feel like they understand all of its terms and should be flexible enough to anticipate future changes in circumstances.

Some of the many Benefits:

1. Confidentiality:

   Mediation is confidential in two respects. First, all mediation communications are confidential. Second, communications between the mediator and each individual are confidential.

2. Less Expensive and Faster:

   What people often do not realize is that most of the high cost and long duration of divorce can be avoided through mediation because the "fighting" in court never occurs. In mediation, the couple spends their time discussing ideas, not strategizing a "win." In contrast, the adversarial nature of the court process often invokes fear and distrust, leading into a tailspin of misunderstandings, misperception, and, most tragically, lost opportunities for resolution. The couple spends their time running back and forth to court over small misunderstandings that escalate into large battles, rather than on the big picture.

3. Improved communication

   Divorce, for parents, may be the end of the marital relation, but it is the beginning of a new, and often scary, separate parenting relationship. Mediation is one way that parents can transition into and adjust to this new method of consulting one another.